I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
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She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
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GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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