I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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