half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize