Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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