he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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