While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
