I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
