I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
