Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
