At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
