Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
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Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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