The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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