I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
