he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize