Quick, to the slutcave!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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