oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
