I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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