Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize