Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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