I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Congratulations! We have a period
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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