So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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