My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
