I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
