you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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