So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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