Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
