It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
