So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
