I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
