im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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