His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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