You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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