Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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