So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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