Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
