I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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