She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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