Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Randomize
