What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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