Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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