He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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