Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
