cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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