Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
