For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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