I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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