He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
