You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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