how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
