we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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