Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
