pop tarts are not kleenex
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
