Porn is love you can see.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
