filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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