ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
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he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
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What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize