I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Randomize
