I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
