we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
