ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
