don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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