i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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