doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
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