Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You are a genius and a whore.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
