five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
