thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
well you can't waste a boner
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
