i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Congratulations! We have a period
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